Absolution - Prologue

The blackened steel feels cold as it pierces through me, The Kursed dragging me atop the blade with him. For all my mockery of Thor’s foolishness, how had I become the fool in all of this? Risking my life for a place I can never call home again? To save these mewling quims? They’ve hurt me, dishonoured me, disowned me and banished me; why must I harbour feelings for them still, or at all?

I suddenly realise that my life is probably going to end here and now, and it pains me to think I have to die in Thor’s presence; of all the ironic and tormenting things, why this? After the wonderful ploy and how well things were playing out in our favour, why had I acted so idiotically in order to save my adoptive brother? I didn’t harbour any love for him, nor the mortal he had become entwined with; or did I? I truly do not know and it disturbs me; for once I don’t know my own feelings.

I can feel my life ebbing from me – my blood soaks my vestments through and drips along the blade, and I feel so cold...  I’m suddenly pushed forcefully off the blade, stumbling backwards and hitting the ground hard, agonising pain springing forth from my wound and resonating through my back. As The Kursed approaches me I manage to huff out in a gruff, sardonic manner; “See you in Hel, monster”. It’s too late however; The Kursed failed to realise that I had activated one of his inter-dimensional grenades and he’s now collapsing in upon himself within a reddish sphere of swirling lights. I look on in meagre satisfaction as I hear my brother running towards me. I simply can’t handle this pain any longer and feel myself drifting away however; it’s so hard to breathe that I’m gasping for air, my eyes are bulging in my head, my pulse is thundering in my ears and I feel my blood gushing through my fingers. I look down at my bloodstained hands, hands that have killed men and stolen plenty a thing, hands that have held those dearest to me and were then pushed away in scorn, hands that have now saved my brother from certain death... Am I having a change of heart? Or is this really how I’ve always felt and was too blind to see it? Thor was pulling me up into an embrace, cradling me as I lay here bleeding out onto the ground;

“You fool, you didn’t listen” I hear the regret in Thor’s voice as he speaks to me; he almost sounds scolding but the grief laces his voice too thickly for it to ring true.
“I Know... I-I’m a fool... I’m a fool...” for once I agree with him - why had I been the fool? I suppose a Trickster and a fool are similar enough to share traits... Augh! The pain is so great – it’s like a flood of blades through my chest, trying to heave my heart out with them! Who knew dying would be this difficult!?!

“Stay with me, okay” Thor says as he tries to position me more comfortably, but it’s pointless really as I start to become numb to everything... I don’t have much time left and I’m started to lose all feeling from extraneous blood loss... I need to address my feelings... But how can I do that when I don’t even understand them? I suppose I’ll have to take a page from Thor’s book and “wing it”, as I heard him so often say.

“I’m sorry” I whisper, then with more conviction and much to my own discomfort; “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” looking Thor dead in the eyes; I mean it, I genuinely am sorry. I am still unsure of my feelings in all of this, but at least this would not be a lie – regardless of being sorry for any wrongs I have done, I am definitely sorry that I had let myself get killed and sorry that I had done it to save someone who never cared enough for me in childhood to even notice how I suffered... I have been so clumsy, my work is shoddy and I could have made this all work out if my judgement had not been clouded by revenge and a lust for power. Thor could have even been in my current position instead had this played out right... But is that still what I wanted? As I stare up into Thor’s eyes in my dying moments I see pieces of our childhood play out before my mind’s eye; how he had wrestled a young Bildschneip from me while we trained in the wilds together and I had been caught off guard by it, how I had used my cunning to steal back an item that had been stolen from him by another of the Asgardian children, how he had carried me all the way home when I fell off a small cliff and broke my leg, all of the small things I had forgotten about... Thor was so obviously undeserving of my hatred, yet I was blinded by the shadow he cast over me as we were growing up, and it festered as our father favoured him... I had tried so hard to win a place in our father’s eyes, to be considered an equal – but my intellect and cunning were never valuable traits in Asgard, so I took matters into my own hands, and the rest is now history...

“It’s alright” Thor nods at me, “I will tell father what you did here today”. I can sense his sincerity but I don’t care for it; I will die here and no amount of speaking on my behalf will clear my name so it’s a pointless exercise... Besides, I do not want his approval anymore – I’m beyond that. I just want to be recognised as a citizen of Asgard, an equal citizen of Asgard, not as an adopted monster from the wastes of Jotunheim with little value or rights, only tolerated rather than respected...

“I didn’t do it for him” Looking at Thor’s face, it became a mix of emotions; so typical for him to be confused by vague answers. I no longer have time to explain, drifting out of consciousness... Why do I feel so alone...?

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My eyes snap open and I feel cold, horribly cold; even my Jotun blood cannot temper this chill. A dull sky looms overhead; I had forgotten the fate that awaited me after passing... Just brilliant.